Did You Hear The One About The White Teacher Who Bound Two Of Her Black 7th-Grade Students And Made Them Crawl Under Desks To Demonstrate What Slavery Must Have Been Like?

December 5, 2008

“During a Nov. 18 seventh-grade history lesson on slavery, the teacher, Eileen Bernstein, who is white, selected two black students—one of whom was 13-year-old Gabrielle —taped their hands and feet, and had them crawl into the space under a desk to simulate what it must have been like for slaves transported in ships’ holds during the voyage to America.

In retrospect, the teacher ‘realizes that that was not a good choice and we’ve rectified the situation in terms of not using that simulation again,’ [principal Avis Shelby] added.” [The Journal-News]

Thank God the school has taken measures to ensure that teachers don’t USE THAT SIMULATION AGAIN. For chrissakes.


PETA: The Swordfish On The Plate In Front Of You Is Actually A “Sea Kitten.” How Could You!?!

November 16, 2008

Sea Kittens/Peta

“Today’s commercial fishers use massive ships the size of football fields and advanced electronic equipment and satellite communications to track fish. These enormous vessels can stay out at sea for as long as six months, storing thousands of tons of fish onboard in massive freezer compartments. Commercial fishing has become a big business…commercial fishers kill hundreds of billions of animals every year—far more than any other industry.”

Oh, PETA. Excellent cause. And so well-argued. Fishing is such a “big business” in the United States these days that the average fisherman brings home $28,280 a year and works in the occupation with the highest rate—by far—of fatalities on the job in the entire country. Commercial fishing is so gargantuan, in fact, that in 2007, it contributed just $34.2 billion to the United States GNP, which I think doesn’t even warrant it a single percentage point.

But hey, cute fishie graphic. I myself like my sea kittens grilled and marinated with rosemary and basil-infused olive oil. Preferably fresh out of Nantucket Sound. Oh wait! There’s only one commercial dragger left there. Damn.


PETA: The Swordfish On The Plate In Front Of You Is Actually A “Sea Kitten.” How Could You!?!

November 16, 2008

Sea Kittens/Peta

“Today’s commercial fishers use massive ships the size of football fields and advanced electronic equipment and satellite communications to track fish. These enormous vessels can stay out at sea for as long as six months, storing thousands of tons of fish onboard in massive freezer compartments. Commercial fishing has become a big business…commercial fishers kill hundreds of billions of animals every year—far more than any other industry.”

Oh, PETA. Excellent cause. And so well-argued. Fishing is such a “big business” in the United States these days that the average fisherman brings home $28,280 a year and works in the occupation with the highest rate—by far—of fatalities on the job in the entire country. Commercial fishing is so gargantuan, in fact, that in 2007, it contributed just $34.2 billion to the United States GNP, which I think doesn’t even warrant it a single percentage point.

But hey, cute fishie graphic. I myself like my sea kittens grilled and marinated with rosemary and basil-infused olive oil. Preferably fresh out of Nantucket Sound. Oh wait! There’s only one commercial dragger left there. Damn.


Why I, Gawker, And Everyone Else Kicked The Edwards Affair Under The Rug. For Fun! No, Really.

August 11, 2008

If Alex Pareene and Doree Shafrir think they can go around taking all the blame for Gawker ignoring the John Edwards story last fall, they’ve got another think coming.

The day the National Enquirer story broke on the Edwards affair (almost two weeks after Mediabistro did a nice pointed little Rielle Roundup), I had this IM conversation with a Beltway reporter:

Edwardsim-1 It went on from there. We dug around a little, but not enough. By the time we started getting anything actually new on the story, Pareene (at the time still mired at swampy Wonkette) was all over it. When you’re working for a stable of niche blogs, the thinking is it doesn’t make sense to have two sites running down the same story when they could be using that time to produce unique content. Seems reasonable, if frustrating and limiting.

Sooooo we let it go, barring the arrival of an email from Rielle Hunter herself delivering photographic evidence of her affair with the senior Senator from North Carolina. Which would have been pretty fucking sweet.

Wait! Could this mean it’s still Pareene’s fault—that speedy little devil—that Gawker didn’t stay on the story? Sigh. No such luck.

Edwardsemail1 So: Why didn’t we or anyone else stalk this juicy, potentially huge story for all it was worth, like the Enquirer? It certainly wasn’t out of party loyalty or our undying John Edwards crush—the guy’s a dick and always has been. Son-of-a-millworker, my foot and ass.

The press is stumbling all over itself to give its readers an explanation (sort of like the one I just gave above!) They run the gamut from diminishing resources and manpower to cutbacks, layoffs, the primaries, the dubious credibility of both Hunter and the Enquirer, and the fact that nobody knows a politician who hasn’t fucked around, so how is that news?

Well, it’s sure as hell news once someone sluttier than you hits it out of the park. The best excuses so far are detailed descriptions of the reporter’s long-standing personal knowledge of Hunter and her flimsy connection to the Edwards campaign. Super job! You tooootally knew! You were on the inside, man! And you did…what? Nothing? Nothing.

The reason we ignored this story is that we are idiots. I even apologize, actually. There. Now (and yes, I am that chick), as Jed Bartlett/Aaron Sorkin used to say: What’s next?


Toddler Pokes Through Bars At Monkey. Who Then, Quite Naturally, Bites Off Tyke’s Finger

June 9, 2008

Monkey And this is somehow the monkey’s fault? Oh and of course they’re going to off the chimp so it can be tested for rabies. Nice. [Newsday]


That Black Man Looks Not At All Menacing, Cablevision

June 6, 2008

urbanprogramming2.jpg
Cablevision, for the love of God. Seriously? Why not just call it Ghetto Programming Starring Negroes and call it a day?


This Is What Happens When I Go To Upper East Side Hotel Bars Alone To People-Watch

May 15, 2008

pearlhandledgun2.gif Is there anything more abrasive than having to listen to an uncomfortably close drunk white forty-something with blond iced tips and a marginal fake bake dressed head to toe in Thomas Pink slurring to his male friend about how “Ssssan Francisscoo gay” their third friend is and how “totally annoying, oh my God,” it is? I tell you that at this very moment in time, there is not. I always have the urge to tell guys of this particular breed that their women think they’re weak and they look like they’re about to vomit. Generally one of both these things is true and stopping myself from doing it is like being back in church, digging my nails into my palms to stop from screaming “Cunt! Cunt! Cunt!” at the top of my eight-year-old lungs. Which I’m sure would have proved immensely disconcerting to the Holy Trinity, among other persons.

Also? Please shoot me and really anyone, straight in the head if you hear them discussing right next to you, thank you very much, outside of the inside of their heads the immense woes associated with managing their current losses on their “$8 million home, a $2 million home in the country, and $10 million in the bank with a yearly lifestyle of seven to a million bucks a year.” It’s probably a really good thing I’m not carrying my .22 right now. For this woman’s sake, I hope the guys hung, because he’s a mind-suck.