Gamy Bastards

Largemonopoly-2 Which one of the Parker Brothers came up with this hideous and probably long-overdue concept of giving Rich Uncle Pennybags a debit card and a fucking Segway on which to token his way around the board? Okay, so this particular travesty is about two years old, but it’s new and fresh to me, as is my deep and unabiding indignation over this perversion of my—nay, the American—childhood.

The gamemakers tried to keep the spirit of Monopoly’s delusional real estate market alive—in this version, you can buy Times Square for a couple million bucks. But since you can also mortgage your property at a subprime adjustable rate to a predatory lender who will suck both your reality show winnings and you dry—and not in a good way—they still blow for this one. Hard.

Sigh. Possibly I too am finally, undeniably, incontrovertibly, officially, irrevocably old. Or maybe I’m just a cranky sentimental crab. Balk?

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